During a scene emotions can run high, so high in fact that a submissive is overwhelmed and breaks down. They’ll burst into tears, go deep into themselves or even have panic attacks. Whatever the trigger what the Dominant does next can have a profound effect on them, on you and on the relationship.
1. Don’t panic
It sounds obvious, but the most important thing you can do is keep a level head. Put your Dominant to one side for a minute, pause and calmly assess the situation.
2. Check for the safe word
In a heightened emotional state the submissive may well forget to call it, so check. This doesn’t mean you have to break the scene, I simply ask if the submissive would like to say their safe word. Even so, never forget that you have every right to end a scene yourself if you do not feel comfortable continuing.
3. Reassure them
As you bring them out of the scene take time to reassure the submissive. A calming tone of voice, verbal reassurance and even cuddling and holding them can help them calm down and recover.
4. Take time
Once the scene is at an end don’t dismiss the submissive. They’re probably feeling vulnerable and maybe even that they’ve let you down. Spend some time with them chatting and, most importantly, listening to what they have to say.
5. Don’t pass judgment or offer advice
The chances are they’ve broken down because they trust you implicitly and feel safe enough to expose their emotional state. Listen to what they have to say, probe a little or paraphrase what they’ve said, but do not judge them, do not offer any advice. That’s not what they need.
6. Check in later
Once they’ve left and gone their merry way do not forget them. A text or a call to check they’re OK is often appreciated and can help them recover some of their confidence. It is entirely likely the submissive will feel embarrassed or that they’ve let you down. They need reassurance from you that what they did was perfectly fine.
As far as I am concerned if a submissive feels she trusts me enough that she can let go of her emotions that’s perfectly fine. I will never humiliate, chastise or punish someone who does this, and will always take the time and care to make sure everything is all right with them – both when they’ve left my door and afterwards.
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