Bondage 101 (or how to tie your partner up for the first time without anyone getting hurt)

Bondage 101 (or how to tie your partner up for the first time without anyone getting hurt)

Using bondage as a part of love making has become an increasingly popular activity. More and more couples are gaining confidence to experiment with tying each other up and playing games of “domination and submission”.

If you and your partner have started to talk about trying a bit of bondage out what do you do and how do you get started?

First things first: Talk!

Communication is important in any relationship, in bondage more so. There are aspects of being tied up that can be exciting and thrilling, others that might be terrifying or trigger unexpected and intense emotions.

Before you play take some time to talk about the things you’d like to try as a couple – and those you want to keep right away from. You shouldn’t be afraid to say you want something, but equally be realistic (more on expectations later).

It’s important you avoid judging one another’s decisions. Whatever you or your partner come up with is something personal, so dismissing it out of hand can be hurtful. If they’ve suggested something you are adamant you don’t want to try a simple “no” will suffice rather than setting out a point-by-point desctruction of their idea. If you like the sound of their idea, but there are details you’re not comfortable with then suggest changes that will make you both happy.

There’s a final element that’s often overlooked which is your general health. Although we like to think we know our partners it’s a good idea to be fully aware of anything that might affect how you play together. Breathing problems (such as asthma or a cold coming), aching joints and bad backs are common issues that are all too easy to overlook, but which affect how you play together.

Set the right expectations

If you’ve been inspired by Japanese Shibari, or have fantasies of an underground “sex dungeon” you must appreciate that your first time trying bondage together is unlikely to be like either of those! Just as with anything that you try for the first time, the results can be a little “hit and miss”. Rather than setting yourself up for disappointment remember it’s an experiment and adjust your plans accordingly. Instead of a myriad of complex ties the first time you play together you might decide to do something simple like tie their hands and feet.

Use the right equipment

There’s rope and then there’s rope. The wrong rope can be harsh, making it easier to get a rope burn, particularly if things get energetic. Rather than take the risk and agonise over what to buy, I’d suggest ordering some silk or cotton bondage rope from a reputable sex shop and starting with that.

As well as the rope you need something to cut it quickly. If things do go wrong rather than spending precious minutes untying knots it’s faster to cut the rope off. Flat medical scissors will do the job perfectly, although sharp, good quality kitchen scissors can also be effective.

Practice beforehand

Before you play with bondage you could practice in a more casual setting. You might sit on the sofa with your partner and practice tying their hands, or even try tying your own feet. As an extreme you could use an inflatable sex doll, (which is what I use when I want to practice a new tie).

The reason for doing this is to build up a little confidence in your own ability to tie knots and ropes. In turn this will make play with your partner a little easier as you won’t be trying to work out how to tie a knot and can focus more on them.

Time to play

When it comes to the moment when you’re going to tie your partner up for the first time take it slow. You may well be excited and eager, but this is the moment you need to calm down and think about what you are doing.

As you tie them make sure you can get a couple of fingers under the rope. Anything tighter and you risk cutting off their circulation or trapping nerves, which can cause permanent damage. Your aim is to restrain firmly, not make them so immobile that you injure them.

Pay attention to the health issues you discussed before you started. If they have a bad back or stiff joints avoid placing pressure on them, such as by pulling the legs right back when they have bad knees. If they have a breathing problem placing them face down with their weight on their chest might not be the best thing to do. Ropes around the neck or compression on the chest is certainly not something to do the first time you play.

As you’re tying you might start to feel awkward, embarrassed or like you’re “not doing it right”. Adjust what you’re doing so they can’t see and take away some of that self-consciousness. Tying their hands behind them, or having them lie back on the bed with legs dangling down are two approaches you can adopt without resorting to blindfolds.

Communication is important, but it doesn’t have to be a constant stream of “are you all right?” Once a tie is in place you can ask whether it feels OK with the straight forward question, or a variation that builds the excitement, such as “Has Master tied you tightly enough?” You should also check your partner regularly, making sure the rope isn’t too tight and feeling fingers and toes for the sudden drop in temperature that tells you the blood isn’t flowing. Remember that as your partner moves the ropes will shift a little and what started as something perfectly safe can become more constrictive.

What next?

Once your partner is tied up there’s a whole host of things to try out. Ideally you’ll have discussed this beforehand (remember the first thing you should do!) so you can have some fun and work your way through the list of “to try”.

Remember it’s as much about your partner as you though. If they just want someone to sit there and watch as they squirm then that’s as cool as smacking a bare bottom. And remember the verbal dynamic. How you talk to them while can transform your play from a bit of fun into something quite intense.

One thing to be wary of is the fantasy for someone to be “left alone” to contemplate what will happen next. Never let this happen. You must always be in the same room, watching and ready to take action if things start to go wrong.

As the ropes come off

After a while bondage can be pretty stressful on the body and cramps and aches can start to set in. How long that takes will vary from person to person, although my experience suggests about 15-20 minutes is where a first-time bondage partner starts to complain of tiredness and aches.

As tempting as it is to “make them suffer” don’t. The moment they start to complain the ropes must come off. You can do this slowly and sensually, but if they’re distressed they have to come off immediately: there’s no “one more minute” about it, get them straight off. Focus on where it’s causing the most discomfort first and don’t be afraid to reach for the scissors.

Most of the time it won’t be this dramatic and after a few minutes of fun together untying will just seem like a natural part of the game.

Now it’s over

Take some time to be with one another. Cuddle, kiss, make love, do whatever it is you want to do to be together. After a few minutes, once the cramps have gone and the body doesn’t ache, you can consider starting again.

When everything is finished and you’ve decided you don’t want to play any more take some time to talk to one another. Find out what worked, what didn’t work and what else you’d like to try. Over time your interests will start to grow and things you thought you’d never want will appear on the “to try” list. Equally, be prepared for that great fantasy you always wanted to try to be a bit flat and something that you don’t want to do again.

It’s fun. Enjoy it.

Bondage is a lot of fun, but taking those first steps can seem a little bit daunting. As long as you take time to talk to one another, cover some basic safety and don’t overstretch yourselves you should be able to have an enjoyable first time.

Spread the love...

About Razz

I'm a creative dominant type with a love of BDSM and fetishism. This blog is an outlet, so don't take anything you see or read too seriously.

Next