Breaking apart the concept of gender

Breaking apart the concept of gender

There was a time when I wore high heels. I also have a thing for wearing corsets. A female friend of mine had a twelve inch strap-on that she liked to wear under her jeans so she had a dick line down her trouser leg. Did this make us cross-dressers?

The brutality of the real world

Gender identification can be pretty brutal in the vanilla world. A guy wearing heels is immediately frowned upon as a TV, effeminate and girlish. A girl who steps out in trousers, short hair and no make-up is labelled a dyke. Society expects me to wear manly clothes and her to wear feminine ones, regardless of how we feel inside.

Did I wear high heels to be more feminine? No, not really. I wore them when I was in submissive mode because they made me think more carefully about how I stood and moved around. Corsets are a vanity thing, a hope that I can recapture that slim figure I had twenty years ago. My friend’s fondness for her strap-on was because she loved the feeling of anticipation that builds when her boyfriend saw the cock in her trousers and knew he was going to get pegged.

Wider society would not understand or accept these views. They would try and twist our individual kinks and preferences into perversions that they can pigeon hole and snigger at.

Kinky does not always equal tolerant

Within the kinky world things can be as difficult for those who do not conform to “kinky norms”. I had a good dominant friend who enjoyed wearing dresses without any attempt to appear to be a woman (an archetypal “bloke in a dress” as Eddie Izzard would have it). He found himself a bit of an outcast as the TV community shunned him and the submissives couldn’t relate to someone who appeared as he did.

I too fell foul of this. When I was slim and androgynous in appearance my girlfriends found my wearing latex and heels attractive and stimulating. When the middle aged spread started to develop I found I was shunned and relegated to the would-be TV crowd.

Today I still see it happening. People are attacked on forums and directly for being into this or that. Rather than accept a person can have a different kink to their own individuals challenge and argue and sometimes downright insult. The irony of one person with kinks outside of society belittling another is clearly lost on them.

There are some who would argue this is because kink is going mainstream and losing its community feel. I beg to disagree. It is an inherent part of human nature to judge people who are different to us less favourably and being kinky is too broad a label to make us “all in this together”.

Our collective, kinky responsibility

We can all do something about this though. We can become more aware of how we respond to those who are different to us and remember how isolated we can feel because we enjoy things that society doesn’t agree with. That person with the high heels on, wearing the dress, wandering around in a nappy or whatever kink scares the bejesus out of you is as fragile as you are.

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About Razz

I'm a creative dominant type with a love of BDSM and fetishism. This blog is an outlet, so don't take anything you see or read too seriously.