Even if you call yourself a Master or Mistress, respect is earned not given

Even if you call yourself a Master or Mistress, respect is earned not given

Many years ago I encountered a then well known Dominatrix at a fetish club. At the time I was starting to expand my portrait portfolio and decided I would approach her, engage in a little conversation and perhaps follow up later. It’s standard networking: make an introduction; have a brief conversation; mention it in a follow-up note a couple of days later; see if we could work together.

I approached, made a polite introduction and complimented her on a recent set that had appeared in one of the magazines.

What came the other way was a torrent of abuse.

I was told I should have approached on my knees, not looked her in the eye and a couple of other things I didn’t catch. As a man I was clearly not worthy to address her and after that it all just faded into a bit of a blur. What I do remember is the last words to come out of her mouth were, “I deserve respect.”

Now I’m sure there are a thousand and one legitimate reasons why she might have done that. She may have been playing to her slaves, had to deal with a million admiring fans all asking to strike up a conversation, or maybe she was just a nasty piece of work. Whatever it was she’d said it and what I said next just came out without me having a chance to think about it:

“Sweetheart, respect is earned, not given.”

I’ll never forget the anger growing in her and I’m sure if I hadn’t just turned and walked away a shouting match would’ve ensued (or worse). My response was not one I’m proud of and as soon as I said it I wished I hadn’t.

Yet as crass and cliched as it was, hers was an attitude that I’ve encountered time and time amongst some of the dominants in the scene. There’s a sense of entitlement that arises because they choose to prefix their name with “Mistress” or “Master”. They conjure up a bubble of fantasy around themselves where anyone who enters is expected to play whatever game they have created in their own mind. Those who do not wish to play, or who have completely different motives, are dismissed as irrelevant or unworthy. Like an insecure playground bully they score points against those who have no ability or desire to defend themselves, raising their kudos amongst their clique while outsiders wonder what planet they’re on.

Respect is earned through our actions. At the start of a relationship, even one that lasts a few minutes in a club during a brief conversation, the way we conduct ourselves determines whether we are respected or not. Someone who displays empathy towards others and self-awareness is more likely to be respected than those who play to an archetype of domination. The most capable dominants I know understand this intuitively, switching easily between being a dominant, a peer or just a regular human being.

Your label is not how other people see you

Self-labelling as a “Dominant” is not an excuse to be offensive to all who come your way. Being respectful towards those who don’t identify as your submissives isn’t a sign of weakness – it is a sign that you’re a decent human being and someone that others will want to know.

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About Razz

I'm a creative dominant type with a love of BDSM and fetishism. This blog is an outlet, so don't take anything you see or read too seriously.

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