The rape fantasy is one that lurks uncomfortably in the minds of many in the BDSM scene. It is a pure, almost animalistic scene where the power of the Dominant overwhelms the submissive, who has to surrender completely. All talk of consent, of respect for limits, for the subtle power plays within a scene are discarded for something that is raw and uncompromising.
Conflicting with safe, sane and consensual
Yet at the same time there is conflict as social norms, respect for a partner, the “Safe, Sane and Consensual” creed constantly remind us this is not an acceptable way to think. It can leave those who do have it feeling conflicted, unsure of themselves and wondering whether they have some mental health problem tucked away in the recesses of their mind.
As with any fantasy it is important to remember that of itself it does no harm. It is a personal thing to be enjoyed or pondered upon that stays locked firmly away in our minds along with every other dream and desire we have. It only becomes a problem when we act upon it with someone unwilling, or we allow ourselves to become obsessed.
The intensity of the rape fantasy
I’ve acted out rape fantasies in both the submissive and Dominant phases of my life. They were intense experiences; ones that left me drained physically and emotionally, while at the same time making me feel much closer to those I’d played with.
While the fantasy may involve strangers, complete non-consent and even a degree of danger, the reality needs to be more measured. Trying to recreate it down to the lowest level of detail is not only going to result in disappointment and your own wellbeing needs to be taken care of. It also requires as much attention as any other scene, so ensure any limits are agreed in advance, use safewords (at least to start with), agree the time and place and pay attention to aftercare. Importantly I would also encourage understanding why the fantasy has come about.
Be prepared for a reaction
As a Dominant it is important to remember that this scene could result in an intense emotional reaction, so be prepared for it. Reading your submissive is vital to ensure you understand whether their response is safe or not. If at any time you think things are starting to run away from you, or you are concerned about your submissive’s wellbeing then stop. It isn’t only submissives that get to use safewords.
Throughout this it is important to remember that having these fantasies does not mean you want to be a victim of rape or that you want to rape. Acting them out with a loving, consensual partner does not make you a rapist or a rape victim. It is simply another expression of BDSM that we can choose to either keep private or share with someone we trust.
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