The conflict between the reality and fantasy of rape

Posted in lifestyle on Monday, 29th August 2016

Rape is an abhorrent crime, and those who commit it deserve the full wrath of our judicial system. It leaves victims traumatised for decades and can have a destructive impact not only on their life, but also the lives of those around them. Quite simply it should not happen.


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In BDSM there is the “rape fantasy”. It is a fantasy where the “victim” is forced to endure intercourse even though they do not want it. Their “rapist” overpowers them and controls them and reduces them to an object to be fucked. It doesn’t matter what they say or how much they try to stop it the rape happens.

Like so much in BDSM this fantasy can create mixed emotions. While it can be rewarding and enjoyable to experience such power it can also leave guilt, self-doubt and a sense of hypocrisy. I abhor rape as a crime, yet I play the “rapist” with my partner and submissive and she plays the “victim” as part of our BDSM lifestyle.

How do we reconcile the two viewpoints?

To start with we’ve created an environment where my submissive and I can play safely. We only “rape play” within the context of a BDSM session. Within this context we can allow the fantasy to flourish and settle into our roles, and we can accept it as a fantasy. Outside of the scene I would not contemplate doing the things we do.

At the outset of our relationship rape scenes were explicitly negotiated and discussed. As we’ve developed and grown together we now have the confidence to read each other and what we want from the scene. Even so, I will never initiate rape play without checking with her first. Asking the question or threatening her gives her the opportunity to signal she doesn’t want to play with her safe-words, while preserving the mounting tension. What’s more, she too can initiate. The key is that the word “rape” is used.

Which brings me to trust. We trust each other implicitly. If she signals she doesn’t want to play then it doesn’t happen, and if she were to signal she wasn’t happy with the way the scene is progressing she too has confidence it will stop.

This might seem like taking the edge off of rape and turning it into rough sex. After all, rape is supposed to be a non-consensual act but by limiting where it happens and when and what triggers it the whole thing might seem a little tame.

Perhaps that’s true for someone on the outside looking in. Within the scene it’s allowed us to create a safe environment psychologically that allows us to explore non-consent. It’s allowed us to have intense sessions where she has felt truly overpowered and controlled. And it’s allowed us to have some of the most satisfying sessions we’ve had.

The crime of rape is abhorrent and never acceptable. The fantasy of rape is a different matter. Acted out in a safe environment, perhaps created over several months with a trusting and trusted partner, it can be intense, thrilling and rewarding.

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Mostly dominant with a love of BDSM and fetishism. This blog is an outlet, so don't take anything you see or read too seriously.

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