Sharing your life with someone vanilla can be frustrating. Whether they’re a partner, a flat mate or a lodger, there is a certain fear associated with being discovered that can make it difficult to satisfy a fetish. Leaving latex clothing out to dry leaves strong odours, self-bondage sessions risk discovery and self-flagellation is not as satisfying as being dominated.
I’ve been there. I spent a long time in a marriage where my then wife didn’t accept my kinks and satisfying them meant doing things on my own. Frustration mounted, professionals were engaged and, frankly, a major part of who and what I am was being pushed out of sight. It was an intolerable situation, one that contributed to the breakdown of our marriage.
Since escaping from that situation I’ve become a lot happier, healthier and comfortable with who I am. Of course I can’t walk down the streets in latex and there were difficulties in finding partners, yet I’ve been able to be more open about my fetishes in my own home, speak freely with people who share my kinks and I’m out and about in the BDSM scene a lot more.
When I lived alone I considered myself lucky. I had plenty of space and time to give my kink free rein. I could do photo-shoots, maintain this blog and grow my collection of latex, rope, restraints and toys without having to hide it away. If my house smelt of latex and there are ropes left lying around, so what (not that I do leave stuff lying around as I am a quite tidy fellow).
When I’ve met people in the scene that have not shared that freedom I have to admit I’ve tried to create little oases of kink for them. There have been people who have come to my home purely for the purposes of being tied, or to talk about their kinks as they’ve sorted themselves out. I’ve extended my bubble to embrace them because I’ve known what it is like to experience the frustration of being forced to hide a fetish.
If you are lucky enough to have the freedom to enjoy your fetishes then enjoy every moment that you can, but also think about those less fortunate. Perhaps there are opportunities to help those who hide their kinks, whether it is accompanying them to events, or giving them space to relax and enjoy themselves in some way.
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