Abstinence from sex has long been the preserve of the devout. Intended to symbolise purity, chastity has been used by religious orders for millennia to demonstrate how their followers are above sin. Yet for chastity players in the BDSM community it has come to be a means of control and punishment as much as one of devotion.
Chastity is a powerful way for a dominant to build tension before a scene, heighten it during, and assert control after. Although predominantly the preserve of men, women too are starting to discover and explore chastity as an element of their submission. A variety of chastity cages, harnesses and chastity belts have emerged that are practical, comfortable (or not), discreet and secure.
In my experience two dynamics exist side by side with chastity. The first is simple control: as the Dominant I have decided the submissive will not have an orgasm or sexual release and the submissive has no choice but to accept that. The second is expectation, with release expected at some point, each time it is denied frustration builds, which heightens the anticipation in each scene.
If you are going to introduce chastity into your play then it may be better to start slowly. Although tales abound of men being locked in chastity cages for years on end, the reality is most will only last a few days before it becomes uncomfortable. What’s more, denying a partner sex often also means denying oneself the same, which isn’t always fun if you’re in a committed relationship.
A good starting point is to put your submissive in chastity a few hours before you intend on playing together. For example, if you’ve decided to have a scene on Friday night you might have him put a cage on before he goes to work that morning. Although it won’t have had enough time to build much frustration, the symbolism is clear: no release until you say so!
Not that putting him into a cage is the end of the matter. Texts, emails and touch can all be used to remind him he’s in chastity and that you are now in control of his orgasm. Because of the way the devices work often wearers are far more aware of them when they’ve first been put on, which can be used to your advantage.
This awareness also has potential during your play. Devices are often designed to prevent an erection and as the erection starts the cage is pulled tight, which can cause a fair amount of pain and discomfort. In addition he will be extremely aware of his genitals, which makes them more sensitive and a prime candidate for tease and pain.
Your own sexual needs
At some point you may want to remove the cage so he can cum or you can have sex. Getting them off can take some effort, particularly as the first thing the penis wants to do is get hard. Two things to be aware of are that he may have already cum and not realised it, so he won’t be able to perform, and that if he hasn’t he may cum quickly, which means sex might not last long. Both offer excellent opportunities for further humiliation and punishment.
As chastity becomes a regular part of your play you may want to consider extending the periods he’s caged. For example, you may leave him locked up between play dates, or even not release him during them. You could consider putting him in a chastity cage when either of you goes on a trip away. If you do decide on prolonged periods there are strapon harnesses you can use for sex, or he can work on his oral skills.
Regardless of how long he stays locked up (or she for that matter) hygiene is important, so ensure he washes regularly and choose a device that is easy to keep clean. Some men also report an increase in wet dreams as the body purges fluid normally lost in orgasm. There are also concerns about prostrate damage, and while there’s no medical evidence to support a link between chastity and prostrate cancer, if it starts to hurt then it’s time to release him from the cage.
Overall, as a means of asserting continual control over a submissive and building tension before a scene there are few things as effective or rewarding as chastity.
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