It’s been two years since I last set foot inside a studio. A couple of bad shoots pushed me away and I reached that point where I realised it wasn’t fun any longer. Fetish photography is my hobby, a way of giving shape to creative urges and when it started to feel like work it was time to end.
For two years I lived off my back catalogue. I edited old sets and uploaded them to my site, and tweeted and shared them. Slowly everything became monotonous and dull and boring.
That urge to create was still with me though. Quietly I was becoming frustrated as the urge went unfulfilled.
My better half noticed it. She made odd comments here and there. Slowly she woke me to the reality that creatively I was bored beyond belief and needed to get back into the world of fetish photography.
Casting calls were posted, attempts were made to organise shoots. They didn’t go well and once again I was knocked back and wondering whether to give it all up for good. I came close to shutting everything down and going to hide in a hole somewhere.
Finally, I managed to get everything together. I had the studio, the models, the cameras. I packed what fetish gear was left after my last clear out and piled into East London for a full day of working with multiple models. Nothing too difficult or demanding. It would be a gentle stroll back through time.
As the rust fell off my skills I started to feel more alive. My confidence improved and while it wasn’t perfect I thought it wasn’t a bad shoot. I know I fucked up more than a few times with lighting, direction and ropes. There were moments of drama and occasional bouts of laughter. In a rush to leave to help a model catch a train, I left my lunch in the studio fridge.
When I got home I was tired from hard work but I was also refreshed and excited. The next day, as I scanned through the shots, I could see where there was room for improvement. New ideas came to me. The shape of the next shoot is starting to form and I will do better.
This is what photography is about for me. It’s more than the time in the studio or the comments that praise my work. It’s about learning, interacting with new people, exploring new ideas. Above all, this is about the enjoyment of creating something new.
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