I wrote this some years ago as I was dating a young woman who was new to the fetish scene. Although times have passed, I thought it would still be useful to those who, like me, have large collections.
Over the past couple of decades I have amassed a substantial collection of bondage gear. I must have spent thousands of pounds on leather cuffs, gags and latex toys. And then there’s the various costumes, props and clothes that I’ve added for my photography. All of this is carefully cleaned and maintained. No one uses anything unless it has been cleaned first.
A couple of weeks ago, as I was chatting with her about some of the ties I’ve done, my girlfriend asked me when she was going to get her own toys. Until that moment I had assumed that we would use my existing collection as I took her down the path to submission. Her one question blew that assumption out of the water and made me question aspects of how I was approaching our relationship.
From her perspective, as fascinating as my toy collection was it was something I had used with other people. Models had worn the clothes and ropes and past lovers had been gagged and tied. As she submitted to me she wanted to know that what she wore and what she experienced was unique to her.
And I respect that.
In the fullness of time, when she is more comfortable with me, she said she might want to try some of the things I have. Not now though. For now we have a new box under my bed with her name written on it and a small collection of ropes inside. No model will see the contents of this box and no one but her will experience what it offers.
I think there is a valuable lesson to be learnt for those of us who partner the less experienced. Sometimes we can be ready to rush on and forget that our past experiences have a degree of baggage. A new submissive might feel uncomfortable or unnerved by the idea of being tied by ropes used to hold former lovers. They may even think they are doing little more than replacing an object that has been lost. At a time when they are perhaps unsure of themselves and maybe even a little vulnerable providing a simple gesture of reassurance that they are important to you might not go amiss.
A simple gesture, such as buying new ropes or a new gag, might be enough to give the fledgling relationship a good start.
Tagged: BDSM Relationships
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