The “deactivate my account?” ploy for extra validation
Commentary, April 27th, 2018
I trawl Fetlife’s latest writing from time to time, as is my wont. I find interesting writing and erotica, sometimes tales that touch the heart. Some I “love”, others I comment on, more than a few I roll my eyes at and move on.
A trend of recent weeks has been the “I’m thinking of deactivating my account” variety. The nature of these posts follow a similar structure:
- A reason why I used to like Fetlife (anything from a sentence to a few paragraphs)
- A reason why I don’t like Fetlife any long (see above)
- A comment about the “friends” I have (and how I’ll miss them)
- A device (rhetorical question, open question etc) that indicates I am going to deactivate my account designed to garner a response.
The inevitable then occurs with “friends” proclaiming how the poster will be missed, how wonderful they are etc, etc, etc. Or silence. In either event, a bit of bookmarking and a revisit a day or three later revealed said poster was still present on the site.
As an experiment I commented on a few of these posts with a fairly blunt “Deactivate your account and if you want to come back, come back. If not, don’t” type message. One got deleted, another blocked me and a third threw a couple of vague insults at me (and deleted the comeback comment I directed at them). My assumption is hearing anything other than a reinforcement of the “No, you should stay” message is not what was wanted.
I know we fetish folk can be a little fragile at times. I know we can feel a tad vulnerable and lonely with our kinks and perversions and need a little validation. Hiding behind a veiled threat to “walk away” from the scene is a bit rubbish though. Almost like a reverse trolling.
So if you need a hug or validation or just that feeling that you’re not alone be honest about it. There’s nothing wrong with saying that’s how you feel.