As I wander the halls of kinky social media, I keep finding people who use lists. They set out their wants, needs, limits and expectations in carefully organised vertical collections of words, sometimes with bullet points, emojis and plenty of exclamation marks. They hope (I imagine) that somewhere someone will read through their list and say, “Yes, that sounds just like / the person I’m looking for.”
If you’re one of these fetishists – please stop.
Talk to people. Comment on their posts. Ask questions. Make a few friends (like real, talk-to friends, not the random drive-by kind). Blow people out. Fuck up. Apologise.
Risa has everything: a good job, a relaxed lifestyle and a husband who worships her. Now she's being blackmailed to be a Gaijin's submissive.
Somewhere out there is someone who’ll meet you half-way. They’ll tick a few boxes, miss a few others. You’ll compromise, try something different, discover something new. Maybe you’ll end up as life partners, or maybe you’ll drift apart. Who knows? Point is you’ll have tried.
Until then just hide behind your lists and the false sense of satisfaction you’ve not yet been let down. Just don’t complain about the frustration and disappointment you’ve created for yourself.