A half dozen or so years ago I had a quite intense affair with a young woman. One evening she told me she was barren, the result of a childhood illness. She couldn’t have kids.
It was a moving movement and my heart reached out for her.
A couple of days later she asked if we could have unprotected rough sex. She said it would make her feel wanted, especially as she couldn’t have kids.
Even though rough was “our thing” I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t have unprotected sex with her.
Our relationship dwindled and we parted ways on friendly terms, even if we didn’t keep in touch.
Wind the clock forward to the present day.
Quite by chance I came across one of her social media accounts. I was stunned. There she was holding her toddler. A proud mum!
My first reaction was happiness that she’d managed to conceive. Then curiosity. It was, I assumed IVF as she’d been so certain in her infertile state.
Buried in her feed were comments about not being able to find a man to have unprotected sex with. For more years than I’d known her, she’d been trying to find a man “too stupid” to use a condom. All she’d found were men “too stupid” to be the father, or “too clever” and used protection.
Again I was shocked. What was I to think? That her tale was just lies to try and get me to impregnate her? Her apparent eagerness for rough sex and bondage was just a ploy to keep me interested? When I refused, was it a sign she had to move on and find another donor?
Openness and trust is vital in BDSM relationships. Walking in with hidden agendas or telling outright lies should not have a place. Yet it seems there are those who use and abuse the scene for their own ends. When that abuse is between an unwilling adult and their victim it’s bad enough. When it involves bringing a child into the world that is unforgivable.
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