The “Real Dominant” doesn’t exist. Stop trying to find them.

The “Real Dominant” doesn’t exist. Stop trying to find them.

How do you spot a “Real Dominant”? The question comes up time again on blogs and forums. It’s asked as if there is a definitive answer. A checklist you can run through, tick boxes and at the end award a certificate.

Invariably when the question is asked everyone chimes in with their own opinion and view. I say everyone as the discussions can quickly become exclusive as a list of traits for non-real Dominants emerge that people away. Dominants who explore their own submission are discounted as “fakes”. Sadists are labelled as abusers. Non-sadists are dismissed as not hard enough. Some want psychological domination. The list goes on.

After years in the scene I’ve come to one inescapable conclusion: the “Real Dominant” doesn’t exist. There is no unicorn Master or Mistress. No Dominatrix of The People. Nor a Dominator for all seasons.

There is only the dominant who is right for you.

For some people their real Dominant is a cruel, sadistic bitch who shows no mercy or empathy. Others just want to be dominated in the bedroom once in a while. Some are drawn to leather and latex. Sexy lingerie or a nice pair of boxer shorts works for a few.

There are more variations on the “real Dominant” than humans on the planet. Or so it seems.

Rather than chase the unicorn, keep away from these often toxic discussions. Don’t look for the absolutes these pretend to offer. Instead look inwards and start with your motives. What do you want to achieve from exploring BDSM? What excites and frightens you? What do you want to try, and what do you want to avoid.

And why. Ask yourself “why” because the answer to that question is often more telling than working the “real Dominant” checklist from an Internet forum.

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About Razz

I'm a creative dominant type with a love of BDSM and fetishism. This blog is an outlet, so don't take anything you see or read too seriously.

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