Is your fantasy cheating on your lover?

Posted in commentary on Saturday, 20th February 2021

Fantasies. We all have them. We see a fetish model on a timeline and transport ourselves there. Or a porn film where we become the star. In a mix-and-match mental world, we swap celebrities and friends in and out of acts we would never dare act out in the real world.

For those of us in committed relationships it begs a question: is a fantasy an act of adultery?

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Throughout my dating life I’ve encountered partners who adhere to the mantra “I should be enough”. Proponents believe they should be the source of all sexual excitement and release for their partners. Any fantasy involving another is a form of cheating, a problem their partner needs to address. Fantasies are driven underground for fear of jealousy rearing its ugly head. They become guilty secrets or forbidden pleasures we must hide for fear of consequences.

This is not healthy.

Our imagination needs free rein to explore and make sense of the world. It gives us freedom to explore ideas and concepts. We can do things that otherwise would be denied to us in a healthy and safe environment where no one is hurt and no offence is taken. To deny this freedom, to try and constrain it with unreasonable demands, leads to unhappiness and, dare I suggest, long-term problems with our mental health.

Not that we should flaunt our imaginary desire for another person in front of our partners. That can be as unhealthy as trying to keep them hidden away. Nor should we try and shape our partners to fit our fantasies.

Somewhere there is a happy medium. Perhaps it’s “don’t ask, don’t tell.” Maybe its writing them down in a private journal. You could talk about them as a way to guide your sex play.

Whatever you decide, I hope you enjoy them.

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Mostly dominant with a love of BDSM and fetishism. This blog is an outlet, so don't take anything you see or read too seriously.

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