Writing a fetish profile is a labour of love for some, a terrifying ordeal for others. On Fetlife you can write entire novels, on Twitter you have less than 150 characters.

So how do you get those words onto the page.

First, be natural. Write what you feel rather than trying to conform to some preordained “winning format”.

Don’t think you have to write something and that’s it. You can rewrite it as often as you want.

Finally, don’t forget few people read profiles. You’re better off investing time in networking, sharing blog posts and being a participant in a community than fretting over a few words on a page.

Posts tentative casting call.

Opens first half dozen emails.

Deletes casting calls.

Goes and has shower in bleach.

Selfies can be awesome. They remind you of fond memories, happy times, people you enjoyed being with. How you enjoyed your fetishes.

I’ve done a few. I’ve loaded up my camera on a tripod, set the timer and run like hell to adopt “the perfect pose”. It’s a mix of freaking awesome and intense frustration. The results can be amazing or rubbish.

It doesn’t matter.

All that matters is for a few minutes you can capture those moments when you were happy in your fetish.

The BDSM community is underpinned by a network of contributors and supporters whose efforts are often unrecognised. An army of volunteers, activists, educators, bloggers and creatives toil endless hours to help promote the scene as a safe and welcoming place. Some progress to become “celebrities”, a few find a living from their kinks. Most are unrecognised and unrewarded.

Their hard work is what allows fetish clubs, workshops, websites and safe spaces to exist. Their investment of time, energy and money makes these things to happen so we can all enjoy them.

Instead of beating up these unsung heroes because we didn’t like event x or they have a paywall on their site, let’s celebrate their efforts. Let’s acknowledge their hard work, even if it doesn’t quite resonate with our particular brand of kinkiness.

Without these great people I for one would not have had the opportunities to grow my fetishes and find happiness.