Relationship ended? Hold on there, I’m rooting for you!
Whenever I see someone float past on Social Media bemoaning the loss of a relationship I feel a tinge of sadness for them. Dating is hard at the best of times, but when you enjoy something as “alternative” as BDSM it can be harder. Not only do we have the usual dating nonsense, we have […]
Bondage 101 (or how to tie your partner up for the first time without anyone getting hurt)
If you're new to bondage and want to tie them up, this is an essential guide for how to approach the subject, discuss safety and enjoy your first games
The verdict on today’s shoot is…
It’s always good to have positive feedback when I work with a model. Odette, a first-time bondage model, certainly gave her approval for our time together…
What happened to safe, sane and consensual?
Safe. Sane. Consensual Three words that were drummed into me when I discovered this crazy world. Safe – don’t cause permanent harm or put them at risk of it; Sane – use good judgment; Consensual – everyone should agree – even if it seems they don’t. We seem to have lost those three guiding principles. […]
Hypocrisy is everywhere in BDSM
You just need to scratch the surface of the BDSM scene and you find hypocrisy:
“My fetish is OK, but yours is just weird”
We’re all guilty of it, but you know what – so what. We do it all the time and it helps us make sense of the world without our heads imploding.
When you see someone displaying a kink you don’t get just check yourself for a moment. Remember they might be looking at you and wondering WTAF too.
“Dad, what’s all this stuff?”
Prompted by a post on a Fetlife Forum, the question was “how do you tell your daughter what all that rubberwear is in the wardrobe.” One of my twins went hunting for a laptop charger and discovered a wardrobe full of bondage gear and latex. Immediate reaction was “oh shit” from her, followed by “never mention […]
Be wary of the dominant who emails first
If you approach a Dom/me then being asked for a tribute before conversations go further is cool.
But if a Dom/me pops up out of nowhere and starts demanding cash then you have every right to decline, disengage and look elsewhere.
Because being submissive doesn’t mean you have to be walked over or taken advantage of by everyone calling themselves “Mistress” or “Sir”
I dream of abuse and torture. Is there something wrong with me?
Sometimes horrible events in the media can trigger our BDSM fantasies. Does this make us bad people, or just normal human beings with a sexuality?
How I returned to shooting after a few months away
It’s been a few months since I last did a photoshoot. Quite a few months, in fact nearly three quarters of a year. So when I decided I was going to get back into the groove it took a bit of thinking, planning and the help of a great model. I’ve worked with Fiona before: […]
Once, a long time ago, I had the pleasure of calling her “Mistress”. She helped me discover what I was and what I was really looking for.
Thank you, Mistress.
My encounter with a victim of domestic abuse
In my youth, as I was exploring my dominant side, I encountered a woman who frightened the life out of me. We dated for about four weeks and in that time I seriously questioned whether BDSM was right, whether an abuser was lurking inside me and how I was going to cope if things went […]
A beginner’s guide to negotiating a BDSM scene
While some of the “BDSM” erotica suggests all you have to do is put two people in a room with whips and chains the truth is far removed from that. Agreeing to play together can be a daunting prospect for both new and experienced players alike. There are questions about what sort of things should […]